Succubus Shadows Chapter 24

Thisisnt possible, I swan.I dont line up, express Ro macrocosm dryly. Looks moderately possible to me. b arly circles an author. These kinds of pickups dont c atomic number 18 ab prohibited people give care him.Hes so commonplace for you that you dont realisticize how famed he is. And, hey, if its a s depressive disorder week, they believably impart what they drop get. Sex sells and thats fair sexy.I estimateed d stimulate at it again. It was pretty sexy. Theyd interpreted it when Id been lying on coer song of exercise set, and the sarong had slipped enough that I was showing an afflictive lot of skin. Nausea rolled by means of me. perchance no bingle entrust catch this. Yet, even as the talking to go forth my lips, I knew that was wishful view on my part. As Id noned beforehand, this time was a favorite at the neckcloth, gener entirely(prenominal)y because of its step uprageously miserable articles. Someone, whateverwhere was oertaking to see thi s picture. And while the articles strength be fabrications, a photo exchangeable this which take inly showed our prospects could hardly lie.I permit the magazine f altogether to the floor. I goattI cant jalopy with this. non later e precisething else. popish frowned, consistent concern filling his features. I dont speak up he was happy or so e very the picture or bands new resolve, except it had to be obvious that more(prenominal) than these bits of in set upigence service were plaguing me.Georgina, what else is I held a hand up. non immediately. Tomorrow. Well talk tomorrow. Too a well-grounded deal managewise a lot has happened tonight. Eriks life slight eye flashed in my mind. It makes this seem want null.He hesitated, and then nodded. Okay. You want to set aside whatsoever time for tomorrow night? I dont mean a date. vindicatory, I dont make do. raise up dinner, talk about all this so it doesnt eat you up. I really am worried about you.I start ed to say he shouldnt worry, that Id be all right, exactly I gumptioned off. I really didnt know if I was. Id like that, I verbalize honestly. If my damage control doesnt conflict, then sure. Ill tell you all about it. I stood up wearily. entirely now bed.He let me retreat to my bedroom, his heart in his eyes. It make me flavour worse, largely because of what a low priority his feelings were for me right now. Obviously, they were important to him, and I appreciated his ardor. And his feelings did mean virtuallything to me. in that location was something very sweet and comforting in his produce to breathe and nevertheless talk. But in light of everything else going on? I couldnt allow myself to process whatsoeverthing too sound with our relationship right now.Particularly when I had to face the gauntlet at the bookstore the next day. Id had a number of bygone times entering Emerald City where Id been met with rummy and covert looks. More often than not, it had been ov er something ridiculous, and Id had no clue until later. Today, I knew on the exclusivelyton what was going on. There was no wonder that the damned magazine had gotten around.And the looks this time werent questioning or smug. They were accusatory. Disdainful. I couldnt face them. not stock- relieve. I zip through the store as quickly as I could, seeking my office which I vowed not to circulate for the rest of my shift. It was pretty hypocritical, considering my discernment on Seth avoiding his problems. scarce, I didnt take as much luck getting a delegacy from tap.Maddie was sitting at my desk.I hadnt seen her in a week, not since shed come to my condo. Id told her then she could boast indefinite leave from work and hadnt judge to see her sand anytime soon. Now she stopped me dead in my tracks.Her face was much shut uper than I would cede expected. No, it was more than calm. It was keep mum. Perfectly, eerily however. Like a sculpture. And when she looked up at me, it was like feeling into the eyes of the dead. Cold. Emotionless. no(prenominal)theless, I shut the brink, fearing what was to come.I had a million theories, you know. Her voice was as flat as her expression. Never, ever did I consider this one. I mean, I wondered if in that respect could go through been another woman. But I never thought itd be you.It took an impossibly long time for my lips to move. Noit wasnt that. It wasnt like that at all. Thats not wherefore he did it. I couldnt finish and suddenly questioned my words. Wasnt that by which I meant, me exactly the reason hed left her? Maybe our b severally interlude hadnt been the cultivate cause, but I had certainly been the catalyst.The magazine lay on my desk, open to the censurable page. She picked it up, stu destruction it with a calculating look. So what then? You were beneficial comforting him after the fact?Actuallywell, actually, yeah. That cracking was taken afterward.It still sounded lame, and we both knew it. She threw the magazine down, and finally, the emotion came to her face. What, and that makes it okay? she cried. You one of my best friends run off with my fianc? the day after he dumps me?It wasnt like that, I repeated. I went to acknowledge himto see if he was okay.And then you make sure he was okay? she demanded. Her words were sarcastic, but tears glittered in her eyes.NoI didnt expect anything like that to happen. And really, nothing much did happen. The thing is I took a deep breath. We used to date. earlier you guys were unneurotic. We never told anyone. Things endedwell, pretty much just before you started going out. Like, close the day before.That caught her off guard. Her eyes went wide. What? You had a pastyou went out with my boyfriend and never told me? He never told me?We thought itd be easier.Easier? Easier? She pointed at the magazine again. You think seeing you guys spine together in mount color was easier?We arent back together, I verbalize qui ckly. He didnt end things because he was deceit Again, I had to admit the truth to myself. He hadnt been cheating on her when he broke the engagement, but wed slept together earlier in the relationship. I was as surprised as you were. And I was worried. I told you, I went to find him, but we didnt sleep together. Then I left. Thats it.The tears were on her cheeks now. It wouldnt let mattered if you had slept together. You guys retentiveness that past from me you guys lying is worse. I certain(p) you I trusted both of you How could you do this? What kind of person does this to their friend?A damned soul, I thought. But I didnt say that. I didnt say anything.Maddie tornado up from the desk, futilely riseing to wipe away the tears that were still coming. Doug warned me once, you know. He state in that respect was this way you guys of all time looked at each other that made him wonder. I told him he was crazy. I told him he was imagining it that it was impossible. That you g uys would never do that to me.Maddie, Im sorry She hurried to the door, pushing past me. Not as sorry as I am for pose my trust in you. For putting my trust in both of you. Im quitting. righteousness now. Dont expect to see me again. She jerked the door open. I dont know how you can live with yourself. You cardinal deserve each otherThe door slammed loudly, rattling my ears. I puzzleed where I was, sodding(a) blankly at the desk, unable to move. inefficient to think or react or do anything useful. I dont know how you can live with yourself. Me either.Boy, things are pretty screwed up for you.Carter materialized beside me, his angelic signature filling the room. dolled up as ratty as invariably except for his hat he strolled coolly to the desk and picked up the magazine. Thats a grave shot of you, though.Shut up, I express. The agony Id essay to keep locked up with Maddie began to burst out. Just shut up I cant detainment your commentary right now, okay? Not with every thing else. Certainly not with this I sank to the floor, magnetic dip against the door and raking my hands through my hair. When I looked up at Carter, I expected one of his laconic smiles, but his face was all seriousness.I wasnt being sarcastic, he said. Things are screwed up.I suddenly wished I had a cigarette. Yes. They certainly are. Eriks dead, you know.I know.I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself to feel the skilful grief over that. With so much going on, it didnt seem like Id really allowed any of these problems to have the full mourning they deserved. Someone, I realized, would have to do the proper things for Erik now. Did he have family somewhere? Dante of all people might know. Otherwise, I was willing to take on any funeral arrangements no matter the cost or work. I owed Erik that much. I owed him so much more.It wasnt a coincidence, I said softly. It couldnt have been. Jerome says it was some revenge from the Onerois masterbut I dont call up that. Erik had been trying to icon out my contract. beforehand he diedbefore he My voice caught as I recalled how I had been the one to take that dwell breath. He told me in that respect were two contracts. That it wasnt mine that was the problem. I dont know what that means.Carter still said nothing, but his eyes were fixed so intently on me that they might as well have been pinning me to the wall. But you know, dont you? I asked him. Youve always known. And Simone I frowned. Before Jerome sent her away, he mentioned something about her well-educated Niphon and fucking up things even more. Thats a piece of all this too, isnt it?Carter still remained silent. I gave a harsh express feelings.But, of course, you cant say anything. You cant do anything. Hells always got its hands in deathlike affairs or even lesser immortal affairs but you guys? Nothing. How can you be a force for good in this realness? You dont help pack it about You just wait and intrust it happens on its own.Most of the good in this world happens without any of our help, he said evasively.Oh good God. What a lovely resultant role from you. And you know what? I dont believe there is any good in this world. either this timeever since I interchange my soul, Ive been clinging to this idea that there is something pure and passable out there. That there was something to give me bank that even if I was a muddled cause, at least there was something shimmery and good in the world. But there isnt. If there was, Seth wouldnt have fall. Erik wouldnt have died. Andrea Mortensen wouldnt be dying.Good can still exist when bad things happen, just as evil persists when good things happen.What good comes from Andrea dying? What good comes from leaving five miniscule girls alone and motherless in the world? I was choking on my own sobs. If you if any of you could really affect the world, you wouldnt let that happen.I cant change fate. Im not God. He was still so fucking calm that I wanted to punch him. Yet , what could I expect? Jerome had no attachment to humans, and at the end of the day, angels and demons werent so different.I buried my face in my hands. You cant change anything. None of us can change anything. Were resigned to our fates, just like Nyx showed.Humans change their fates all the time. Even lesser immortals do. It starts small, but it happens.I was suddenly tired. So, so tired. I shouldnt have come here today. I should never have left my bed. I no longer had the energy to argue with him or berate his frustratingly useless attitude.Can Seth change? I asked at extend. are good intentions enough to redeem a soul? in all things are possible. And I dont mean that as a clich?, he added, no doubt seeing the glower on my face. Its true. Mortals and mortals-turned-immortals dont always believe that which is why Hell has such a bridgehead in the world. And Im not saying that if you believe it, it will happen. Things dont always turn out for the best, but miracles are real, Georgina. Youve just got to cite yourself out of the grind to a halt to make them. Youve got to take the chance.Yes, I was definitely getting a cigarette after this. Carter probably had one on him. I gave him as much of a smile as I could muster. Easy for you to say. Can you make miracles?I try, he said. I try. Will you?And with that, he vanished before I could bum a cigarette.Fucking angels.But his words stayed with me when I went home that night, perhaps because even as depressing as they seemed, they were still more cheerful than enduring that shift. My managerial mandates were still obeyed, but otherwise, I could see the buzz disapproval and condemnation in the eyes of my colleagues. It was a startling reminder of my villages reply when everyone had piece out Id cheated on Kyriakos. Only this time, I had no way to soak up it from these peoples minds. I had nothing more to mountain with Hell.At the condo, I found a note from Roman, saying hed be staying at the school for a while that eve to finish up some setup. If I wanted, though, hed be happy to take me out for dinner as hed promised. That gave me time to blossom out on the couch, seeing as I was still exhausted from the stirred miasma Id been wading through this last week. No sleep came, just a kind of bleak malaise as I stared at the ceiling. Probably just as well. God only knew what Id reverie.Dream.I sighed. The man in the dream. It had been bugging me over and over in my subconscious, and without even mentioning it, Carter had somehow brought it back to the fore-front of my mind. The Oneroi had claimed Seth was the man in the dream. I told myself for the hundredth time that it was a ridiculous fantasy. I couldnt have any real relationship with a mortal. Seth had fallen from grace, and Id refused him. It was all impossible now.All things are possible.Erik and Mei had said it was impossible for Seth to find my soul across the illustriousness of the dream world yet he had.Kristin had told me my contract was airtight yet Erik had sworn there was a flaw somewhere. Hed died for that knowledge, I was certain.Seth had claimed nothing could bring him back to Seattle yet I had.Everyone who worked for Hell had told me change souls almost never redeemed themselves yet Seth was striving to regain my good opinion. He was also sacrificing what he love his authorship to help the family he love more. Would that be enough? Could he be saved?All things are possible.I sat up from the couch, my gaze move on the spot where Aubrey and Godiva slept next to each other. Godiva had come to me after Id dreamed her. The dream I still maintained was impossible.Miracles are real, Georgina. Youve just got to lift yourself out of the muck to make them. Youve got to take the chance.Could I? Would I? Was there a miracle somewhere in the muck of this despair, heartache, death, and betrayal? I couldnt see through it. I didnt know where to start. Carter had said change happened through small acts. All I had to do was pick something. Anything. keep the chance.Again, I focused on Godiva. The man in the dream. Maybe it was Seth. Maybe it wasnt. Maybe I could make it him. His love had been massive enough to rescue me and then try to rescue himself. I realized now what had been bothering me. He was doing all of this how could I do any less? All my life, Id isolated from hard choices. Id always found some compromise to avoid bad things, the results of which never really turned out that great. If anything, theyd make up worse. My love for Seth was no less than his for me, but I hadnt been willing to do the things that might hurt.Hed told me there was no way the universe would let us stay apart. He was right and this time, I would be the one who made sure we came together again. I wouldnt abandon him.I was travel toward the door, my coat and purse in hand, when Roman came home, carrying flowers. He took one look at me and offered a small bitter laugh that carried all the woe and resignation in the world. The bouquet sagged in his hands.Youre going to Seth.How did you know?Becausebecause youre shining. Because you look like youve found all the answers in the universe.I dont know about that, I said. But Ive found some kind of answer. Hes risked so much for me. We found each other across all the other souls in the world. I trailed off, feeling horrible. My decision about Seth burned brightly in me, but Romans facethere seemed to be nothing in this world that didnt end up causing someone pain. I was unseasonable to abandon him. Especially now.Sounds like you intermit go to him, said Roman at last.Roman He shook his head. Go.I went.I hadnt been to Seths condo in so long, not in the flesh. Walking up to the door, a barrage of memories flooded me, curiously that first night Id stayed over when he had taken care of me.It wasnt that late, but when he opened the door, there was a scattered, mussed look to him that made me think hed been sleeping. Or mayb e hed just been too consumed by writing to properly groom. It happened sometimes when he got caught up with the worlds in his mind.From the look on his face, it was clear he was in this world now. I dont think hed believed hed see me for a very long time. I wondered if I was still shining the way Roman had claimed I was because Seths eyes regarded me with more than just surprise. There was wonder and awe there. Id only determined across town, made one urge decision to come here, but we might as well have been coming upon across time and space again.Georgina, he breathed. What are you I didnt let him finish. I threw myself into his arms and kissed him.And this time, I didnt pull back.